OUT OF ORDER magazine - No.6

Pamela Anderson's New Beginnings

Photography: Luke Gilford - Fashion: Rich Aybar - Hair: Derek Yuen
Makeup: Jeff Baum -
Words: Pamela Anderson

How does one redefine their iconicity? Is the task even possible in an era when your past is ruthlessly documented online, in photographs and tabloid articles?
It’s a challenge that Pamela Anderson is now facing as she confronts this next chapter of her life, both professionally and personally. Gone are the days of Playboy covers,Baywatch sequences and tumultuous relationships—the world of the 1990s in which she first rose to fame. Anderson, now at 47, is a mother and actress who,like many of us, is coming to terms with how she will define herself in this new era where celebrity, technology and identity intersect. She is charting a path for herself in an entirely new fashion: last year, for example, she emerged with a pixie cut after chopping off most of her hair—long,blonde waves that had become emblematic of the person she once was and the image she used to represent. Rather than retreat into seclusion, Anderson is choosing to confront her legacy, no holds barred.
No one can fully escape their past, but America tends to have a fondness for narratives about reinvention. Perhaps now, two decades after she became a household name,is when we will see Anderson wholly and truly come into her own.

What is beautiful? I think that’s really the question. I’ve never really thought of myself as beautiful. I always thought I had weird features. I never thought that I was a classic beauty. I figured I would go home,retire, go back to Canada. I guess I am not going home yet.

In this business,images aren’t ever real.They retouch everything,and then women compare themselves to people in magazines who don’t even exist. No one looks like that in real life.

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I’m going through this tumultuous time right now. There are really hard moments,but I’m so excited about the future. I am not sitting here in depression. I am feeling these feelings and I’m going through it, but I think there is such a bright future. I almost didn’t believe there was a threshold I needed to cross. There was a time where I was like, “Is this it? Is this all there is? I want to have my kids and my grandkids … and then what?”
You come to this crossroads in your life where you feel you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life, or excited and try all new things and go for it on all different levels. There is a woman who lives in my head that nobody else sees. She is a dancer, a singer, a writer. She is so many things. I feel closer to that woman as I get older. Being an actress? This was something that I really needed to prove to myself. I haven’t worked with a lot of people that were really taking me or my craft seriously.

Men have really defined my moods over all this time. Now, I really want to be on my own.My kids are grown;I have been married too many times. That’s mostly because I wanted to have a family for them. For some reason, we have this old thing stuck in our heads that we must supply this image for our children. But in the end, it was just confusing for them. I am so glad they turned out so well, because I have really put them through the ringer. They have seen a lot. Now I can’t believe I’m going through a divorce at 47. Finally, I think things are changing and I couldn’t be more excited. I am on my own trip right now. I don’t want to listen to anyone else’s opinion. My kids are grown and they’re going to college. I feel this sense of freedom of my age, like I finally don’t have to be that person I was anymore. This is a whole new adventure.