Flaunt Magazine

Image de-fabrication? With closed eyes and a deep breath—I can feel the hot honey pouring down on me, perched delicately, I take the stand—golden—and liquid—in gentle sunlight—we walk on soft metal—leaving an imprint- awareness—Society is full of delusion—I worry about the sick capitalist economic system—corrupting the planet—Causing Climate Change—We have to turn it around for our kids—and think deep into the future- for generations who deserve a beautiful existence. A blending of worldly needs—The world is so small.
My latest fixation—Tropical Classical—I love literature—Fusion between worlds—a diverse understanding—poetic-realness—not black and white—joined—no war—no competitiveness. Consciousness. Worried and Nauseated by psycho—world of Reality TV, celebrity—too much access, hi-def, Video Games—violent movies-crazy gun culture—dulling our senses-blinding us—literally—we are becoming more sick, more pornographic—less healthy and sensual—we have lost touch with the basis of life—LOVE—to care for one another—such unbalanced wealth—greed—Poverty, living extremes—even the weather-repercussions-unhappy people-why are people fighting universal healthcare?
An “American” unhealthy sense of entitlement—only the rich survive—We need a simple flat tax. And an incredible free education system (like Finland)... I’m guilty of falling for the American dream—(believing it was better) being from a small town in Canada—modest upbringing—All I ever wanted was to build a home-own something—put my ideas into something concrete—a metaphor—dignity?
Hollywood came by surprise—I did not even know it existed—until I fell into it—posed for Playboy—I did so I could help my family—I still love Playboy for that—my parents have a home, no bills, a reliable car and great Canadian healthcare—(a relief) that was a priority—then I created a life for me—it became something that didn’t suit me—sex, drugs, rock’n’roll. Years of decadence—then—with and without a husband—without guidance—I was bamboozled, taken advantage of—wild and unrestrained—I was naive—life led me by the hand at times, instead of me leading it—I did this to myself—no blame—no regrets—it’s been an exciting journey—I’ve lived far beyond my reach—causing stress and hardship.
I’ve gone off the deep end on numerous occasions—I have felt I was mad—crazy—out of control—Been easily swayed—I found myself underwater—trying to pay back taxes—was left with a house half built and a construction lawsuit—I let it all get away from me, while I drowned financial worries with partying—it just kicked the can down the road—I was determined to solve this—(not go bankrupt)—worry about my liver later (Hep C)—Pay my bills by myself—(without help) scaring off any man who loved me and wanted to take care of me—like a little girl—I stomped my feet and wanted to fix everything MYSELF—determined.
My heart and soul are completely devoted to my children—I have struggled in the shadows—not alarming my kids—just handling business—I am a good mom... as for charity (I work tirelessly connecting people)—I’m about to launch the Pamela Anderson Foundation. Which will encompass all my charitable passions—
I have a good trick—when things get too much, I go on my 100 day plan—a time of concerted effort—Pilates, no alcohol, being around healthy people—I dream clearly, write like a maniac—I call it my unstoppable madness time, I obsess on issues I want to resolve until they are resolved! (no wonder I’ve self medicated—my mind is full of fantasy, mythology—constant projects) without direction-nothing gets done. Just a lot of ideas—that I eventually forget—I am most successful during a time like this. The flood gates open—and I am blessed—I’m in liver recovery—I’ve fallen undeniably in love and am inspired by a great man—a muse I can’t shake—Even if he remains just a muse—I am determined—to show him and all mankind my ability to make a difference—be the best I can be—be useful—intelligent—somehow help unravel the depths of this unreasonable pillaging of nature—
Where do I fit in? Please no more reality shows—(I’m grateful to know how to skate and dance now)—but come on—it was like sticking hot needles in my eyes—to endure the humiliation—is this really entertaining? I used the money to pay lawsuits, bills—so fixated on solving a financial issue—But—completely out of character—I sold my soul to save my beautiful home—I took the advice of David LaChapelle—we made a deal—Say YES to everything!—Everything is pop art—he told me I’m not cheesy so—whatever I do can’t be cheesy—we are a lot of like—soul mates—scared, fragile—in need of financial security—a home is extremely important to us—a home base to feel connected to—
We come from hardships, we’ve suffered and paid dues. I’ve worked hard—been sued many times—easy-target—I’ve had to settle many lawsuits—I took some strange turns—I felt out of my element in L.A.—and always wanted to go home—Home—I gave most my resources to charity, my family and friends in need—I am in early stages—creeping along, slowly—but creating an artist retreat in Canada—where I grew up—something my parents can be a part of—a place for them to live out their years—
I get asked on occasion to design hotels, spas, residences—in a free-spirited, artsy fun way—I can see me doing this—and—creating a sensual line of furniture, bedding, products to make you feel safe—adored, and clever—sustainable—living in small spaces-good quality pieces considering Alchemy, and the soul of materials.
As for tax debt (being handled finally, as we speak, which is typing in this case)—The reason I got behind was because I was in the middle of building my house—and a few deals fell through in 2007—I was to build a hotel in Abu Dhabi—and a Hotel in Vegas—both deals fell through due to the market/recession—I was counting on it—I had contracts—I had no idea my tax account had been used to pay a contractor who had gone 3x over budget ...
I didn’t watch closely enough—I couldn’t catch my tail—until now—Simultaneously taking care of my health—what a ride! My home is the Catalyst to the next part of my Career—good quality—conscious choices—I may end up in my TEEPEE on the North Shore, Hawaii—figuring out something Bohemian and simple where the boys can surf and enjoy simplicity—I’ll live mostly in Europe, a little stone house, with a clothes line of white sheets, flower dresses and board shorts—in a field of lavender next to a surfing beach—I have experienced more lust than love—men are rough with me—I hope that changes with time—I’ve created an image even I don’t understand—and invites a strange and enthusiastic attachment—
Remember—I am an angel at your feet—I float next to you whispering in your ear, softly kissing your neck - leaving salt on my lips- I play favorites with a sweet rambling tongue—I write poetry—I love to love—tormented—I may get back to a TV series—a good film project? a Vegas Cabaret? I feel ready—the next chapter—my kids are old enough now—they want me to succeed— :)
Reading Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet—I’m an art Collector—With an innocent crush on Ed Ruscha—All I need to survive is a creative project, a powerful man to respect and adore, an eccentric companion—I am creating a life for my beautiful boys to learn security, independence, have self worth- and the best education I can provide them—they are and should be rebellious—it’s important—
I hang by a milky thread—it’s the preferred cliff of existence—poetic—I might not like security—I’ve been accused of that—A battle—Anyone I’ve Loved I’ve Ever Only Love—and I’ve sadly hurt—my wandering mind takes me away—a restless spirit—A lonely island—I come through for who I need to—My family, the guardian of the sea—Paul Watson, Haiti (JPHRO), PETA- my dearest friends, Cool Earth (save the rainforest- giving back to indigenous people to protect) Leonard Peltier-(one of my Heroes), Vivienne Westwood-Goddess of culture and wisdom, My dearest friends David, Luca and Jesus—an untamable force of Art—
I don’t know if I want to be understood—I can’t fight the cartoon image-fueled by a tabloid nasty culture- bullies-cowards behind computers—remember we are all human and flawed—grace, forgiveness—I’ve used whatever I am, fabricated and otherwise, to contribute to society—as twisted as it all seems-the Universe knows.
I want you to know me before it’s too late—before I’ve fallen into the trappings of being “not me”—before I’ve conformed and become a robot—I spend every day—glued to my path—so I can stay here—covered in Hot Honey-walking—dripping—warm...
Always in Love,