Jewish Chronicle Interview re: Lust for Love

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How has it come about that you have written about sex together?

I am sorry.
But I was writing about Love and romance.
The sex tips are from Shmuley.
This is not a kiss and tell, my romantic experiences are private.
But I did want to share my idea of a ‘sensual revolution’ that involves living life romantically with empathy and consideration.

Tell me about how you guys met? Obviously it is quite unusual/maybe surprising that you may be friends so I’d love to know about that friendship, how it happened, what you learn from each other, what you have in common etc?

I was going through a difficult time in my life.
And my neighbors in Malibu are mutual friends. They shared with Shmuley that I was a very caring hands on mother. And Shmuley only was aware of my public image - he was curious why - and he was very helpful, confidential and sincere. I told him he should write a book. He told me he had written many. And though we could write one together. He felt that if I was in pain. Than maybe all women are in some kind of dilemma romantically.

What does Pamela think she can learn from a Rabbi about sex/ and what has she learn through writing this book?

It was confirmation in the beliefs I had to begin with. He reassured me - this is why the book. I want to reassure people they are not alone. That Love does conquer all and it’s worth fighting for.

How have you actually done it? Did you take one chapter each, over coffee at your respective houses, how has it come about?

We worked with a writer that Shmuley chose. We did some interviews over the phone (those tapes are destroyed contractually forbidden) I would receive the drafts of my parts after they were written, Shmuley would make first edit and I would have time to make my suggestions, but I think to everyone’s surprised .I spent endless hours rewriting everything that was ´in my words’
And I did all I could to convey my beliefs honestly.
(that I felt were not being heard) it was frustrating at times.
There were a few things I was uncomfortable with and slightly compromised to make everyone happy. but ti was told that if I didn’t - the publisher threatened to not publish book

What has her experience of negative intimacy been has it helped inform her on this book?

I battle every day. Even with these questions.
I’m a girl like the rest of the girls that are romantics and want to keep that alive in society. Where we are becoming desensitized by technology.

Why do you think meaningful, desire and sex are dying out in relationships? And why is it important in a marriage?

You have to work at a sexy relationship. I like to be the mistress and the wife (within o committed relationship)It’s fun. To be a little sinful. And unavailable. And celebrate our differences playfully and seriously. The ´personal anecdotes’ for example. I thought we’re unnecessary and exploitive.
The book we agreed to write was about the times we are in . And how we have a challenge ahead as Anais Nin talked about with the invention of the telephone we were bound to infect our intimate relationships. And with today’s technology it has become even more difficult.
I didn’t want any of my personal dramas in book. I surely did not expect Shmuley to talk about his marriage.
This was a bit confusing to me.

I have a lot to say on this subject.
And I’m in the process of writing my next book « saving women from feminism «

I think it’s important for people to understand the dynamic of this book. It is representative of what we face on many levels. Maybe I’m being too honest.

What are your views about the degradation of sexuality through pornography?

The danger. Is we become numb.
Also what is your advice to married couples when it comes to sex?

To do it more often - and to be creative. You have to be brave to be a good lover. Sex is not an obligation but a gift.

How can Judaism teach us about sex and healthy sexual relationships?

This is Shmuley department. But I love the idea of no technology 1 day a week. And the strength of family.

Do you think religion is ever a barrier to healthy sex or talking about it?

Sex is a spiritual experience. To me it is anyway.

I want to clarify. That I’m very proud of this book and grateful to Shmuley for his wisdom and guidance through the process.

I hope to publish the book in many languages. It’s a starting point. An important conversation.