RAW

Screen shot 2019-01-09 at 3.17.33 PM.png

she

winter "Blue"

A self-fulfilling prophecy…

he

Johnny "Hot Sausage" Maclean

Loved by most for his dirty stories

and gruff entertaining ways.

A puppet among the un-evolved. A

relentless, never-ending

teenager, with childhood angst.

Drama of a gifted child-Privileged.

Poor in other ways…

Cursed in love.

-Glimmers of

hope-addiction.

Given an opportunity in love.

But cost him $…his best friend…

bye woman.

Screen shot 2019-01-09 at 3.31.15 PM.png

The intensity is

different…I feel you in

my bones…the core of my

being…

you resonate…

I have my encounters, my

friendships. My writing

to them is different…

Hardly poetic, I'd say…

forced? You-it just comes

and comes…I'm mostly

alone…With this smokey

blue jazz bar in my head,

glamorous split gown,

tanned oiled legs, blonde

curls…glossed

mouth…I write, I play

jazz, I make balloon

animals…

I get closer to who I am-when

I'm torturing myself.

You are torture…yet,

This is purely innocent…

I hope you take it that way

…You don't want me-I'm

sure of it..

We might just kill each

other…

But, thank you for your unique friendship…

your golden ear…

Thank you for not hurting me. Or

Squashing my spirit…

I couldn't bear it…

I've been stupid too many times…

here I am …again. Sabotage…

You have left your mark

on me…

I'm grateful… I won't forget…

I shall be more realistic-

I know some good men. Suitors aside…

I'm such a rebel…with my choices…

I should be so lucky…

I'm refocusing… but…

you're such a gentleman…

You are in charge…I must start a life with someone…

asleep in lavender…

My fantasies don't end…

I most obviously love you…

Why do i keep being taken away…

Screen shot 2019-01-09 at 3.37.17 PM.png

County line

A spot in time.

An amber blue sunset

For you.

A love unrealized. A wait, a step, a patient prayer.

If it takes forever

I'll be there

I don't want to love you…

Not now

I don't.

But want is a strange word. It's a nagging self-serving

word…I want, I want…is just for me…

So not that word…Give is better.

Need is too…I don't want to be another one who

needs you.

Desire is one thing I dare not do

A fantasy…playful…but thoughts create power.

A burning hope…

A smoke signal-visualize

I see you at the end of my bed…head in hands-

It's ok.

I don't want to be a Dr. Seuss…He always jumps in my head.

The places you'll go.

Green eggs and ham.

He was a genius…

Bukowski too.

Screen shot 2019-01-09 at 3.39.02 PM.png

Ice cream flavored lingerie

Deceptive feeling though

Uncontrollable fixation on you

Beats sweet urges deeper than most.

Imperceptible

Cat power

Punk

Everybody hurts

Feel it

Double agent of love

Float next to you

I wish you happiness

You could only bring me pain

A caress of nails

Walk barefoot on

A wondrous road of broken glass

The blood of love comes as tears

You're in my heart.

A safe warm place

An imaginational never ending honey moon

I'll never be free of these twisted streets

The crossroads of souls entwined

Direction lost

Normality is not enough

With skin and brains and history of fucked up ness

Acceptance.

I'll be around.

Raw

Proceeds from every book purchase go to the Pamela Anderson Foundation